Monday, December 29, 2008

Adab & Adat

Hari ini ...menemani Abang Ipar dan Kakar Ipar (Bang Teh dan Kak Teh untuk meminang anak lelakinya di Wangsa Maju. (Angah = Mohd Yazid)

..keluarga ku berkumpul di rumah Mak Sedara sebelah ayah suami ku (Mak Cik) di Taman Kosas, berkumpul 5 keluarga di sana, keluarga abang ipar ku lima beranak, Keluarga Mak cik, keluarga Mak Teh, Keluarga Pak Lang, (semua sebelah ayah suami ku). Keluarga Bang Teh, Keluarga Adik suami ku (Alang), Keluarga (Kak Ngah) kakak suamiku.

...keseronokan hati ku..adalah keramahan Mak Sedara suami ku...Mak Cik dan Mak Teh yang melayan kami bagai anak anak mereka...tak menang tangan menyua lauk dan kuih..tak berhenti henti Pak Cik kedapur ketengah kedepan melihat kami adik beradik makan ...seronoknya..terasa kalau ada mak mertua pun bertambah tambah meriah lah suasana..

Semuanya..mesra bersopan dengan adab pekerti termahal di dunia..

Selepas solat zohor kami masuk kedalam kereta masing masing..tak di sangka..aku di serahkan dengan tepak sirih..kepala sebarang majlis..

sesampai kami di kawasan perumahan bakal tunang anak buah kami..kami di sambut dengan mesra beberapa wanita dan lelaki mengajak kami naik ke atas...(tingkat 5)

..aku yang termuda ..melangkah hadapan sekali..aku membaluti suasana dengan Bismillah dan memohon kepada Allah semua perkara akan berlaku dengan aman dan sentosa. Sesampainya di muka pintu..aku yang mula melangkah kedalam kerana tepak sirih pembuka kata ada pada ku..
setelah semua barang di letak di tengah rumah...tuan rumah, mungkin pak sedara kepada bakal tunang anak kami membuka mulut..

..di mulakan dengan doa dengan suara yang lembut tapi jelas ..dan tenang...pertukaran soalan dan perundingan di mulakan dengan beliau dan Pak Lang kami..sungguh beradap dan bersopan..terasa seronok menjadi melayu..sebelum di sudahi perbincangan kami..di pesan pesan kan kepada keluarga kami tentang batas dan syarak kedua bakal pengantin ini..alhamdulillah..suasana yang panas menjadi sejuk dengan gurau senda yang bersendi adab dan bahasa yang indah ..lagi teratur.

Melayu masih belum hilang di dunia..

Saturday, December 27, 2008

..Holiday... looks like I need to start to focus on the books.....(there are plenty)..

..the loneliness is coming too strong to my head..and the focus is blurry..

..and the books are piling, since yesterday i had managed again to borrow another 3 books from KL Library.. eyes keep staring at the books, touching and reading the cover and back is not helping me much on on reading the books..the feel is not there ....(mood has not settled in ..yet) rooms unarranged except the books and the stationery..what a promised..i lead the 6 weeks semester break with none whatsoever that i have in mind before the break..

..this feeling that is coming too strong became worst with all the melancholic song from..matt monroe and cher.. this moment..nobody can help me except me.. is not the holiday mood..but ...the uncertainty that is happening in my life..

...the question that should not even cross mind is conquering my

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? ...the question ?

throwing you life into uncertainty ?

wasting your time ..endlessly?

..that stupid question is playing in my mind like these song that potrudes and humming in my brain..

"YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE HIRED" with your Bachelor that became a why waste time..

time is wasted not only yours..your family, your friends and you are not getting younger either..


..i have a heart to heart talk lask week with my boss and best person (since cant call her friend)..

she claims..
"last week..our client that is 53 years old has been promoted to CEO".so she said shut up and go on with your studies...

how i wish all her words can flushed away my doubt and uncertainties

and that is why i have this feeling..the one can give advise . intention of getting this degree is slowly blurring my vision..

..yes..i will speak to terry...(my ym friend that is elder than me and yes..she is in the schooling mode too)...

oh please me...give me your light..give me reason to see...

Thursday, December 25, 2008

...waktu senggang....

...duduk di depan komputer riba dan mengetuk ngetuk jari kepada pepatah perkataan menjadikan satu ayat yang membawa pengertian ...dan juga sebuah penceritaan..

..namun hati dah pun jauh terbuai buai dek perasaan..melayan perasaan dengan di iringi suara Saloma, Bintang Malam..menambah kerinduan yang tidak pasti

Sunday, December 21, 2008


I have a daughter of 17 years old (going to be next year...). She is going to sit for her SPM an exam is too important to life especially the next step that all citizen in Malaysia need to do. After two incidents of my other two kids (Aida and Asyraff), she is shouldering a big task for me. She is the only kid that I can forsee that will thrive in the academic that is suppose to be better. Maybe the best from the rest.

To all mothers especially (all daughters of theirs will be the beauty of the time) she is in the most beautiful era now, young and curvacios. I only wish she realised that, how I have high hopes on her. To me, let me withheld this hope to myself. It is not fair if she should be responsible of my challenges.

For all that I know, she is a good girl, obedient, truthful and sincere. At this current time, that's all I am asking.

I know, most mother will be very anxious in what is the next step they will be taking. I am not going to be weary, but will guide her, in any advice she wish to discuss.

I have been discussing about sex before marriage (right to holding hand is no no to me). Having boyfriends is no no but until futher discussed.

Coloring hair is a no no but she has done that twice, after her father heart to heart talk, now she understands the reason, not to hold her interest but religion forbids it.

But she understands that the most important things are not to lie to me her mother ever or forever or do not cross her mind or ever enter her mind...

She understands that I can tolerates a lot of wrong doings but not - lying. Period.

Sweetheart (Continue)

She was transferred to the Paeds ward in the morning, she is better now, claimed the doctors, but I am not even leaving her even during prayer, I do my 5 times solah next to her, it was afternoon around 5.00, I am starting to do my Asar prayer, the evening solah, I saw one of her eyes started to blink profusely, saliva is sipping through her lips, then it became worst, half of her body started to shake, I called the nurses, they came, the gave her an injection, she is having fits, same like epilepsy, the fits did not stop, it continues, then they call the doctors, the doctors is trying very hard too, they started to poke her, with the needle trying to give her the injections to stop the fits, it did not work, i was screaming inside because there are pocking her one after another injections, it looks they have been pocking her around 20 times, she continue having her fits...and then...I hate this and still remember (they ask me to get out from her cubicle) after around half an hour, they did not managed to stop the fits, the doctor approach me and ask my permission to make a hole in her head to force the medicine to stop the fits. What can I do, but to agree.

They took her into the emergency room at the ward, and around 8.00 pm they came out and informed me two news..not great but better. They did not make a hole in her head, they managed to force the medicine in the vein or artery (not sure what) at her thigh. The medicine worked and the fits stops, but the other news is worst, she is tranferred back to ICU.

She stays there around a week or more, who is counting but there was not much hope, I will not get the same normal baby.

When she was transferred again to the paediatrics, i counted the injections scars, it is about 100 injections. Poor baby, luckily she has lost her consiousness and did not feel the pain.

She has turn to a baby, her feeding has gone to an infant intake. From 8 ounce back to 2 once, she is not crawling but lie on her back like a 2 day baby. The doctor tried to make me understand but I do not want to give up. "They claim she is turning to be a baby, maybe worst, she might lost her hearing, eyesight and worst of all she will be a "special baby".

After she was discharged from the hospital, we have a lot of followups.., scanning the brain again and again, hearing and eyesight problem.

She was 24 months and she is still crawling, I can see to that. She is slow, (very) but she is improving. Her food intake was still at baby intake.

Talking about speech, sorry, she did not say things that we will understand. Except for my mother, she understand plenty.

At last afer 26 months, she started to walk, one step at a time, and every time she will just fall flat on her face. Once when she was scanned, I was took into a consultation room, thinking that I had banged her head. I had to explained that she was attacked by meningitis and that explained all the water around her brain or skull, not sure what.

When she was 5, I sent her to preschool, explaining to the teacher of the class that she cannot speak that can be understand. I hope she will learn one of two words, but not much hope.

When she was 7, again I had to explained to the teacher of the class that not to leave any verbal message because she will not know what to say to me at home. There are few occasions that my husband send her to the school with no one around. The school closed that day.

But now, she is nine, she has been speaking fluently, she understand plenty, she is still learning to read, but she is very good in memorizing (I call it cheating because she always do that to escape my tutor on the reading or counting).

She had only one bad ear (not so good in hearing). She has been participating in games in school. This year she managed to pass 4 subjects. That is, a big achievements for me.

Every sentence she managed to read without memorising, is an achievements, every piece of drawing is an achievements, every message that was passed to me is an achievements, every fights she wins from her sister and brother is an achievement.

Most of my neighbor loves her for her innocent smile and greeting. She is no special kids. She is my sweetheart.

Saturday, December 20, 2008


My cgpa went down..less than 3.5 and I am brooding for today and maybe tomorrow !.

Sweetheart - continue

She was in the emergency ward, and that night they took her to icu, she is still unconsious, I, as a muslim women, what else can I do, I started to pray, pray very hard, it went into the most deep part of my heart praying for her best, pray to god for her best and frankly I must admit that I am not good at all with my reading al-quran, but, tried my best to read Yassin.

Unfortunately, Only mother is allowed to be in the ICU, my husband can only visit once a while, he can only pop in and out of the icu but cannot stay in the ward. I am given a stool to sit when I am tired after a long period of standing.

Her cubicle is in the middle, on the same day, there were two death, the baby that is at her right side and another young man around the corner and there is death everyday.

There was an incidence that make me cry, I can feel the lost as what had happened to a mother that was seated far left (corner) reading her bible, and that it was her last son, the third son that had perished to luekemia. She was so calmed. (We are advised not to talk or visit one another in the ICU). I gave her my most supportive look.

There was another incidence, just next to me, a young mother lost her first baby. That day I cant controlled myself, I was about to approach her, she was crying, holding her lifeless baby wrapped in the white cloth, but again was warned not to touch her, they said, remember , you have a baby yourself and you might transfer the virus from her body, I stop abruptly, reverse to my seat.

Then, suddenly I had that strength. God, I am your servant, I am ready for your test.

Every death, scares me a lot (no words can be transcribed my feeling on how scared I am). Praying very hard she should not be next.

On the next day, the doctor asked our permission to make a lumbar puncture, to have some test on what actually had attacked her brain. Do we have any choice to say no when she is lying helplessly on the bed , unconsious ?. The doctor managed to find out that there is a bacteria in her. They will be giving some medicine. There was no promises and I am aware on all the consequences.

After 72 hours of not much difference, I was asked to called her name. I called here name so many times until I wish I could scream and she should be awake. There is no stir at all from her to come back to me. I ask for permission to sit next to her (actually we are suppose to sit about two feet away from her) I cant even touch her before. I read the Yassin, non stop, I do not remember did I stay awake or asleep, but I do remember everytime when I am awake, I am reading the Yassin again and again and praying very very hard. After the fourth day she was discharged to be sent to the Paediatric ward. She has regain consiousness. Goodnews that became worst.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

sweetheart (part 1)

well this is not her best photo. She is trying to be very formal in case I hold her for another snap. She is to eager to jump out and play with her cousins. aida is her name. unplanned pregnancy. my fault, wrong count. who to be blamed, no one i guess. she came as a suprise. both not ready for the repeate diapers changing and sleepless nights and visits to doctors. her brother is going to be 5 that year. there are those haunting thoughts that crossed my mind at the early stage, once she started to kick i confirmed heart body soul and mind to keep her. i knew it is going to be her..but also wish to her a he for my husband sake. No, she did not make her present in my life to be any where disturbing me, she did not have morning sickness, nor she gave any untamed cravings. having her is the most easiest pregnancy that i went through, she is very obedient since in the womb. the part that she did not bother me at all, i only make the visit to the clinics after 28 weeks of pregnancy. yes, there were the scoldings. looking at my records, that it is not good at all, i am taking a risk. but who is carrying her, the mother..and who are they..mere doctors.

she came out with 3.5kg , yes c-section. healthy and we went home 5 days after delivery...September 20, the same day of her paternal grandmother. Same DATE. Since she is health, chubbier by the day (breastfeeding), she is left in my sister in law care after the 60 days are gone. She sleeps well, feed well, no problem at all.

that year, 2001 my mum went to do her hajj and my sister in law is left alone with her. she is 6 months old, chubby, healthy and is trying to crawl ..until she is caught by the fever....7 days..her fever is gone..thank god...but that day the D day..i received a phone call from the hospital asking me to rush to the emergency ward. not many words are exhange exept please hurryup.

my husband is on 24 hours duty...i rushed to the hospital and received a very shocking daughters has left consiousness for more than 5 minutes...

it daughter brain did not get the oksigen for 5 solid minutes and this will affect her body soul and mind...she might be a vegetable...that was the first thing that was blurted out from the sweet pink lady doctor mouth that i wish that is not true...

she added your daughter is having brain fever, meningitis is the name. (tbc).

Sunday, December 14, 2008

.....about life.....

...i have walked the path of achievements, priceless friendships, lost battle, uncertain decision turn to complete disaster..indulgence on new hobby and enjoying ever second..and plenty of tounge fights..and no exception of fist fights.. me one most important donts is to shut up.. when you are angry...or walk away from the scene.. many heart has been hurt.. many friendships has been broken and unmend ever.. many regrets we must go through again and again...


and you can definitely, i guarantee save a lot.. save the regrets, heartbroken, friendships and most of all a peaceful night sleep. PERIOD.

Sastera dan aku

*aku baca akhbar mingguan malaysia hari ini,

aku memang, tapi dulu,

suka sangat akan sastera; sajak, puisi, gurindam, syair, masih lagi mengalir ngalir darahnya di dalam aku sesekali berbunyi akan dia..

hari ini setelah lama dulu aku aku tinggalkan, ku baca cerpen, perkara yang lama dah tak aku lakukan kerana cerpen kebelakangan ini terlalu sarat dengan falsafah tak terjangkau fikiran aku yang makin mengecut dan tak setara aku nak memahamkan bahasa bahasa yang di terjemah terus hingga hilang bau suci seni sastera, namun - apabila aku terbaca cerpen alam berbicara tulisan Rozais Al - Anamy ( tercium aku bahasa sastera yang indah, ku ulang baca sekali lagi dan lagi, ada beberapa perenggan ku ulang ulang sampai puas hati aku akan indahnya unsur semili dan metafora ynag di gunakan, mungkin juga kerana sebuah cerpen cinta tak kesampaian...cinta orang tua...rindu dendam yang sampai habisnya tak akan teleraikan...sungguh asyik...

aku berkongsi dengan kamu kali ini. di blog ini .bukan ada apa apa tujuan hanya..kepada sesiapa peminat sastera cinta yang tak punya banyak masa...sila lah memberi sedikit masa untuk membaca kisah cinta tua pada cerpen 8 kolum..akan terbangkitlah rasa rindu dendam yang tak terlempiasakan...

*aku (kerana aku adalah mengambil kata diri terhampir dengan penceritanya) aku mahu hampir dengan kalian hai pencinta sastera .....

Friday, December 12, 2008

Sahabat, Kawan, Kenalan, Rakan

Sahabat, Kawan, Kenalan , Rakan..dan yang sewaktu dengannya..

Aku sudah menerima beberapa emails yang mengumumkan “Hari Persahabatan Sedunia”, terusik juga hati aku dengan kata kata seolah olah tulus murni dari kawan kawan aku, sungguh shahdu kata katanya, boleh terbuai perasaan seketika, almaklumlah aku seorang penyerap dan emotional pula, hampir menitis airmata ku kerana kebenaran kata kata yang di luahkan di dalam email tersebut yang mampu menyentuh hati aku yang memang terkenal lembik.

Termenung seketika, memikirkan kebenaran dari ayat ayat romantis tersebut. Selembek aku di keraskan dengan pengalaman. Kemanisan kata kata itu mungkin benar kepada aku dan pandangan aku terhadap sahabat sahabat aku yang dulu namun serasa aku , kawan kawan email aku masih gagal untuk membuktikan diri mereka walaupun seorang kenalan rapat. (Kawan email = officemate, universiti mate).

Jikalau aku bandingkan dengan sifat dan sikap sahabat aku di tingkatan enam, kawan kawan yang selebihnya tidak dapat pun meletakkan diri mereka 10 persen kewibaan sifat dan sikap seperti mereka apalagi untuk setara sebagai rakan. Mungkin masa, keadaan dan sikap yang mengagalkan mereka.

Teringat aku, Enab atau kami gelar Inspektor Sahab, Encah kami gelar Majistret dan aku, Eta sebagai Professor Tora. Pahit manis kami bersahabat bersambung selepas bekerja dan di sambung lagi sesudah beranak pinak. (Encah = 6 orang, Enab = 6 orang dan aku, Alhamdulillah 3 orang). Dalam semua anak anak itu kami mempunyai seorang anak yang sebaya = 1995 (ketiga tiga kami beranak di tahun yang sama, Enab bulan Januari, Encah 16 Ogos dan aku 30 Ogos). Dan hanya anak aku lelaki.

Allah Maha Kuasa, kami berpisah pisah setelah berkahwin. Namun terbukti jarak tidak langsung mengurangkan kasih sayang antara kami bertiga. Bersyukur aku kerana dalam kehidupan aku di phasa ini, aku di kurniakan untuk mengecapi kemanisan bersahabat. Teringin kami jodohkan anak anak kami bila mereka dewasa, namun kami akur jauh di sudut hati, biarlah mereka semua mencari jodoh sendiri. Jika berpeluang berjumpa, alamatlah, suami kami, anak anak kami di lupakan sementara, kami masih lagi bernasib baik, pandai pandailah mereka berinteraksi antara satu sama lain.

Ketika itu, aku teringat lagi duit gaji aku, selalu aku kongsikan dengan Enab yang menjadi guru sandaran selama beberapa tahun, setiap mula persekolahan, 4 bulan dia tak bergaji, tak apalah, sesama lah kami berkongsi. Bila gajinya di bayar sekaligus, macam rang kaya kami berbelanja. Encah, nasibnya di sunting awal, selepas keputusan STPM keluar, dia lulus juga macam kami, namun tidak cemerlang, macam kami juga. Tidak seorang pun dari kami menjejaki kaki ke Universiti. Buat masa ini aku sudah pun berada di tahun 2 menyambung pelajaran yang tergendala, sudah aku beritahu kepada Enab, dia pun tak lama lagi menyambung juga pelajarannya, mungkin dia akan ambil ijazah dalam pendidikan setelah berjaya mendapat diploma didalam pendidikan setelah lebih 10 tahun menjadi guru sandaran. Sekarang mengajar di jengka pahang. Encah pula telah pun jadi guru aerobik, selalu juga dia keluar di RTM 1, mengajar senamrobik, malangnya aku sekali pun tak pernah berpeluang menonton. Aku, masih bekerja di syarikat yang sama selama 18 tahun, dari bawah aku bekerja dan sekarang aku menjadi pentadbir di dalam syarikat itu.

Ku sambung lagi cerita kami ketika kami masih remaja, .Encah terpaksa serumah dengan aku selama beberapa bulan setelah emaknya mengusirnya keluar dari rumah sungguh terajis, Encah di libas dengan getah paip di depan mata aku, buku bukunya di baling ..berserakan di ruang tamu namun, setelah di lihatnya anak nya mendapat kerja, di pujuk nya pulang, marah keluarganya ada lah kepada aku. Aku sahaja buat buat bangang.

Enab di bawa lari pulang ke Pahang oleh keluarganya, setelah peristiwa itu, sebab peristiwa yang sama itu juga yang menyebabkan, encah di halau, tak perlu aku berkongsi peristiwa sebodoh itu menyebabkan 2 keluarga menyiksa anak anak mereka. Alhamdulillah, ibu aku, menerima Encah. Encah pandai mengambil hati ibu, kami seronok seperti adik beradik.

Setelah keluarga Enab berjaya kami pujuk, mengatakan Enab mendapat kerja sebagai guru, ayahnya membenarkan dia datang ke KL semula, ayah Enab datang kerumah ku, untuk melihat aku si Eta yang menjadi mastermind. Setelah di lihatnya aku si kecik ini , tak tergamak dia memarang aku (di ceritakan enab, ayahnya teringin sangat nak memarang aku). Keluarga aku yang berbudi bahasa, ayah aku yang peramah, maka dengan yakinnya di tinggalkan Enab di rumah aku untuk memulakan pekerjaan. Bertambah lagi seorang anak dara di rumah ku.

Tetapi peristiwa pahit itu menjadi semanis manisnya apabila kami sudah bekerja, aku di terima oleh keluarga mereka dengan baik, baik keluarga Encah dan keluarga Enab. Aku beberapa kali ikut Enab pulang ke Pahang, baru lah seronok dapat balik kampung, aku budak KL apa kampung aku ada. Untungnya berkawan orang berkampung. Tersengih aku ketika mengingatkan hari hari manis aku di Pahang, bukan kerana ada terjumpa buaya friend..tetapi, keseronokan dengan keluarga si Enab yang ramai. Ayahnya pun aku sayangi. Ada juga aku dan Enab cuba menjodohkan adiknya yang perempuan dengan adik aku si lelaki, kedua duanya setuju, malangnya ketika adik Enab turun ke KL, adik aku membawa girlfriendnya pulang kerumah.

Pada mulanya kedua duanya (Enab dan Encah) menginap di rumah aku. Kami memang seronok, ibu aku pun senang kerana kami bertiga yang membuat kerja rumah, lama juga Enab duduk di rumah aku, seingat aku selama 4 tahun atau lebih. Encah sudahpun berkahwin dan mengikut suaminya bekerja di Kedah.

Satu hari, Enab datang ke tempat kerja aku, di tanya nya aku dengan wajah murah, apa perasaan aku jika dia di pinang, aku pun terdiam, seperjalanan hidup kami bersama, kami tidak berbuaya friend langsung. Hidup kami cukup. Apakan daya, ku katakan kepada dia, dia juga tak ada lelaki lain di dalam hidupnya, apa lagi di tunggu, aku tahu aku akan kehilangan seorang sahabat lagi. Dia hanya mahu aku mengatakan tolak, aku tahu, tak tergamak aku menjadi tamak kerana selama mana nak ku tahan dia. Selama aku berkawan dengannya, tak bernasib pula kami untuk di jeling pun oleh lelaki. Jika rezeki jodoh sudah tiba, taatlah kami kepadanya.

Tak lama, 6 bulan selepas itu dia bernikah. Aku SOLO...dan dari hari itu..aku belum mempertemukan seorang pun sahabat yang dapat menggantikan tempat tempat mereka yang telah pun berada jauh dari aku, seorang di kedah, seorang di pahang.

Mungkin ada yang terkejut, kedua dua mereka, tidak langsung mempunyai email address. Kami masih lagi berhubung melalui telefon hingga hari ini. Anak Encah pun sudah boleh di panggil sorang mahasiswa, mungkin sudah graduate.

Kurasakan kauorang semua dapat meneka aku ini sudah tentu tua renta. Aku sudah melalui alam pekerjaan selama 24 tahun...kira lah sendiri...
Setiap kali aku bercerita tentang sahabat, cerita inilah yang akan keluar selalu...dan aku tahu..mereka pun sama...
dan aku sudahkan catatan untuk hari ini dengan penuh kesengehan...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


EGO seorang manusia yang bernama isteri

Boleh kah seorang isteri memasang ego ? dan apa ke jadahnya ego ini..
Ego dalam pengertian rumahtangga...tidak mahu beralah akan pegangannya ke atas kehendak kehendaknya (seorang isteri)

Bolehkah kita memasang ego demi kesejahteraan rumahtangga...bagi Seri..jikalau kehendak itu tidak berpasakkan agama..maka bodoh lah seorang isteri itu dan rugi lah dirinya yang memegang watak isteri.., bila kita berkeputusan degil, hendaklah kita sandarkan kewarasan degil itu dari segi syarak dan tuntutan agama.

Isteri yang berwawasan, cerdik adalah lambamg kesejahteraan sebuah keluarga, tunggak kejayaan sebuah keluarga juga keamanan sebuah keluarga. Ia amat banyak memerlukan pengorbanan seorang isteri dan hanya isteri yang waras layak memegang ego.

Ego seorang isteri yang waras, sesekali tidak akan di benarkan anak anaknya melihat kekurangan suaminya, dia rela keras hati demi menjaga hati anak anaknya Anak anak di larang sekali memikul masalah hatinya yang dia sendiri tidak dapat menguruskan.

Isteri yang hanya nampak kekurangan suami, bagai di butakan hatinya tidak dapat meraih kesempatan yang turun yang diberikan sepercuma itu. Setiap bencana adalah ujian memertabakan dia ke peringkat yang lebih tinggi.

Masalah masalah seorang isteri kerana kekurangan kekurangan suami kerana sentiasa menginginkan suami idealistic akan kecundang akhirnya. Mana mungkin kita mendapat kan suami yang kita inginkan sedang suami kita juga tidak dapat seorang isteri yang dia inginkan.

Pertama tama...ketika menginjaki alam perkahwinan...apa kah berlaku paksaan ke atas diri kita..jika tidak..maka kita sudah akur akan sumpah setia kita kepada allah untuk menjadi seorang isteri yang taat lagi sabar akan ujian Allah ke atas diri kita. Maka selalulah kita paling paling kebelakang.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha 1429

10 Zulhijjah 1428

tahun ini..."KORBAN dan Penghayatan"

setiap tahun semasa berkhubah..pengorbanan 3 hamba allah di ulang ulang..Seorang bapa, seorang anak dan seorang isteri..

keyakinan seorang ayah dan anak..membuktikan kekuatan iman ...pengorbanan tiada tolok banding..kerana allah dan hanya untuk allah...

Kini..berbagai bagai pengorbanan masih lagi di perlukan..

..dimulakan dari dalam rumah itu sendiri..pengorbanan ibu dan ayah kepada anak anak..pengorbanan isteri kepada suami dan anak anak...pengorbanan anak anak kepada ibu dan ayah..

pengorbanan keluarga itu kepada masyarakat..pengorbanan masyarakat kepada keharmonian daerah..negeri dan negara...

pengorbanan pengorbanan ini jika bertunjangkan ...hanya untuk allah ..kerana allah..maka tidaklah susah lagi kita di muka bumi ini yang sentiasa memohon pengorbanan pengorbanan yang seterusnya..sehingga lah..habis hayat seseorang itu di muka bumi ini...

terlalu banyak pengorbanan yang di lakukan kerana..suami..bukan kerana allah..kepada anak dan masih tak bersandarkan kerana allah..menjadikan pengorbanan pengorbanan itu semuanya menjadi duri dalam daging pula ...

bersabar kerana tuntutan agama..makan sehingga hilang pedih ngeri di luar zahir takkan terlibat akan batin...

bukan mudah..kerana kita hanyalah manusia yang di bekal ..seketul akal dan sebongkal nafsu...

Friday, December 5, 2008


when you are married you should not think as one but a set..

in any decision you are making, you should consult..and do not tell (what I mean is you should consult your better half by discussing your decision and forbid yourself as if you are telling your decision) that is called compromising

as a wife and a woman in this new era. especially here in the metropolitan, kuala tend to forget that you are not suppose to make decision by yourself that affect the family..

maybe you are a CEO or managing director or a manager or as mere as a are not any of that in the house that you shared with your family..

you are humble mother, a loving wife, an advisor but not a decision maker...unless you are assure to make a decision...

decision on preparation of a dishes need to be weigh properly..what the family wants and not wat you want..and you have to make sure..your husband favourite is the rule of the thumb of the planned dishes that you are going to put on the table..(yechhh) yes, but making your husband happy and respecting his needs are what a happy family is (yes another yechhh). and you, sacrificies need to be done...plenty...a make sure the house run smoothly...(we did sacrificies and we do not even bother to count them) long the house is quite ...peaceful and harmony...that what is should be...

oh Seri stop tochering yourself with this advice... inner heart..i am telling love yourself is to respect others on their perspective..

yeah..and i am grabbing my favourite food at the mall later.. and that what we call..compromising..

Thursday, December 4, 2008

sometime suddenly i have these feelings...lonely..i wish i will be somewhere else..i wish i have the chance to leave malaysia and work somewhere else on this earth..but in the sametime to scared to even to leave Kuala Lumpur (my vicinity since more than 40 years ago)

listening to friends that had the chances studying, working, holidaying in those countries..more or less left some paw print in my lonely heart.

sometimes i wonder..a person like me...blessed with a very understanding husband (in his way)..children..and still one parent..

own house..own car..and a job ...

maybe i miss adventure like others had it...but i would trade my experience with anyone else..

it is just these stupid hormon impersonating me again..

kalau Jumaat


kalau hari jumaat malam sabtu..kami nonton tv di rumah orang "gambar melayu" ianya di mainkan oleh rtm selepas berita pukul 8.00 malam..di kala tahun 70an perkara ini berlaku..

selepas itu ada break ada berita dunia dan di ikuti dengan peristiwa hari ini..dan baru lah tau kesudahan cerita "gambar melayu" tv kami dulu hitam putih..selalunya tak semua orang akan memiliki tv ini...

aku pun tak terkecuali menoton tv di rumah orang..ketika di Pansoon aku ingat lagi..tuan rumah ada menjual ais krim malaysia namanya..selalu lah kami beli sebelum "gambar melayu" itu bermula..

waktu break tu kami main kejar kejar..main teng teng di bawah api jalan yang terang terang tanah..

meriah jumaat..semacam sekampung seronoknya..aku salah seorang yang suka sangat berkejar kejar..berpeluh peluh aku..sebelum gambar melayu mula pun

dalam gembira cerita di atas..ada juga cerita sedih pasal nonton tv di rumah orang...aku masih ingat..dan aku pun masih lagi menyumpah bila aku ingat..

dulu kami adik beradik..merayau rayau mencari rumah orang untuk menonton tv..duit untuk menonton 10 sen bayarannya..untuk hari sabtu..ada tayangan ultraman..rancangan yang amat di minati oleh abangku...hari pulak ujan...kami adik beradik berhimpit menonton tv dari tingkap..yang terbuka..air ujan yang turun dari cucur zing..membasahkan kami..tapi dek seronok menonton ultraman..tak kisah lah basah..tiba tiba..kami di tengkin di suruh tepi.."tepi tepi..aku kata..dummm..tingkap di tutup"...dah aku masih ingat...sampai sekarang...bunyi dentuman tingkap kayu yang di tutup itu..masih lagi aku terdengar dengar..dan setiap kali aku masih lagi menyumpah orang yang menuntup tingkap itu depan kami adik beradik...

dan walaupun ..dah semua nak habis pupus mati..aku masih menyumpah orang tua yang dah berpuluh puluh tahun bersemadi dalam kubur...

aku kalau orang marah nak mengajar..sikit pun aku tak kisah..tapi ..bila di hina macam anjing kurap..tak ada bermak bapak...aku ingat..dan masih ingat..dan ingat lagi untuk menyumpah nyumpah..

walaupun dah berpuluh kali tahun aku memaafkan semua orang..tetapi bila teringat gambar melayu..teringat lah aku peristiwa yang amat amat menyayatkan hati aku...

aku tak tahu apakah kakak aku..abang aku masih ingat...aku yang memang terkenal pelupa dalam keluarga tidak pernah lupa..rupa orang tua yang menyergah kami...badan kami yang basah..dan dentuman tingkap itu...

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

More of my feelings

well someone is a place where the owner who praised themselves..something that we loved to talk about views, feelings in our own perspective..

yeah i can agree to that... is something like a daily dairy..where you pour your feelings..your frustrations your achievements..your happiness..your stress and wish someone to read it..

yeah i can agree to that too

but a proper person like me..(half proper)..i would never write down 100% of my feelings..
(there is still a department for me to hide my darkest side)...

and I know and realise ...

you cant trust anyone..that call human..