..Holiday...

..it looks like I need to start to focus on the books.....(there are plenty)..

..the loneliness is coming too strong to my head..and the focus is blurry..

..and the books are piling, since yesterday i had managed again to borrow another 3 books from KL Library..

..my eyes keep staring at the books, touching and reading the cover and back is not helping me much on on reading the books..the feel is not there ....(mood has not settled in ..yet)

..my rooms unarranged except the books and the stationery..what a promised..i lead the 6 weeks semester break with none whatsoever that i have in mind before the break..

..this feeling that is coming too strong became worst with all the melancholic song from..matt monroe and cher..

..at this moment..nobody can help me except me..

...it is not the holiday mood..but ...the uncertainty that is happening in my life..

...the question that should not even cross mind is conquering my life...now

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? ...the question ?

throwing you life into uncertainty ?

wasting your time ..endlessly?

..that stupid question is playing in my mind like these song that potrudes and humming in my brain..

"YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE HIRED" with your Bachelor that became a widow..so why waste time..

time is wasted not only yours..your family, your friends and you are not getting younger either..

YOU ARE TOO SELFISH TO ADMIT..

..i have a heart to heart talk lask week with my boss and best person (since cant call her friend)..

she claims..

"last week..our client that is 53 years old has been promoted to CEO".so she said shut up and go on with your studies...

how i wish all her words can flushed away my doubt and uncertainties

and that is why i have this feeling..the loneliness..no one can give advise .

..my intention of getting this degree is slowly blurring my vision..

..yes..i will speak to terry...(my ym friend that is elder than me and yes..she is in the schooling mode too)...

oh please god..help me...give me your light..give me reason to see...