...life goes on..

..once a while your door to your sacred heart being knocked by someone who is different.. i meant better..most of the time are...

and the situation is that ...in the current moment wishes you to joind the other prettier boat..

...dont..

..life is does not build by a day or by one person ..sacrifies are plenty..

you need to be responsible to many...and definitely to yourself.. be fair

and if you keep building a new life..when will you know you will receive that paradise at the end...

be brave to sail the waves ..you are not alone...believe me...

only strong persistant attitudes will overcome the dark side of our life..

lets hold hand...


and

i am extending mine...

..when we do business..or giving services..

..i had made up my mind..i had terminated my streamyx services after 2 years..connecting to them ..what a pity..

...i cannot tolerate anymore with these hiccups everynight.. (i am doing epjj and connection to internet is urgent)..

..i cannot help it...i have enough patience..and today..i bought my maxis broadband even..
i hardly have enough cash to survive until end of this month..but I cant stand it any longer..

..it has been bad since a month ago..and every time I had to call the technician..and they had guided me by asking me some stupid questions..repeatedly every night...it was the same irritably stupid questions.... plenty of it..try to call them..

..they love to assume you are dungu and that you do not understand what is connection all about or to even retry or to re shutdown..again or reconnected.... several times before calling them..

...i had it so much until one day..the technician that guided me had it off balanced..she had asked me to do something rather strange and then cannot guide me how to undone it..and she asked me to go to the computer technician...without a pity in her voice... it is scary when she said my computer is faulty..(hello..how do you know it is faulty since I had it ok 10 minutes ago with no crash whatsoever)..

..i do not need a computer technician but someone who can explain to me why is the ups and down of the connection..the answers is always assuming your machine is at fault or maybe your streamyx box..and never their line or connection..

..my streamyx box is healthy..my phone line is healthy where I used the same line (using splitter) to complain.. and they had the cheek asking me how is your phone line..?

...and...tonite..i am using the 3.6 mbps maxis broadbad connection ..it is connecting smoothly..as the most expensive silk that all your money can but..and .there is.no interruption and no hiccups..nor death of the line..

..goodbye streamyx..and people..who is reading this blog..quit using streamyx..it is not stable ..the technician is less stable than the line itself..(but there is one..one..occasion that I were guided intelligently)..forgot his name.. (and they are so brave selling the combo..condo whatsoever when they should be looking how to improve the connection thoroughly)..

...this maxis broadband..is super efficient.it..is .fast..no hiccups since 9.00 pm ...till now..12.46..my streaming connection is superbbly gorgeos... i had listened to Klassik FM..malar segar..with no breakdown..

the feeling is priceless...it is merely RM138 --per month..for now..

...until then..

..tak selama bersama..

..cuti 4 hari dan aku sempat menyiapkan 2 tugasan untuk pergi bercuti...kali ini di sebabkan tiada sapa yang sanggup mengambil bapa untuk di jaga..masing masing semua nak bercuti tanpa sedikit pun memikirkan yang aku dah masuk dua tahun tak dapat bercuti kerana menjaga ayah..

..aku nekad..ayah..kali ini mesti ikut aku sama bercuti..malam ahad..ada kenduri betul betul bawah hidung aku..jiran yang bersetentang depan rumah..aku terpaksa tolak..aku mesti menyiapkan tugasan aku..janji aku pada pensyarah..aku tak mahu lagi leka meminta tangguh masa...pukul 11.00 malam aku siap..dan menge-mailkan tugasan tugasan aku...lega...

..esok esok pukul 5.30 pagi dah aku kejutkan anak anak untuk bersiap..dan kami tepat pukul 7.00 pagi sudah pun berada di jalan...

..ye aku sekeluarga bersama ayah yang kurang sihat..dalam perjalanan ke endau..mersing..(sebab iannya di dalam daerah mersing bukannya rompin)..sebenarnya bersebelahan aje..

...aku bercuti di rumah kawan ku..besar pukul 1.00 pm kami tiba...perjalanan dalam 4 jam lebih..2 kali berhenti ..buang ...(macam macam buang)...

...aku kerumah mak tiri kawan ku..mak milah namanya...masih muda rupanya baru 49 tahun..kawan bapa ku berkawin dengan mak milah setelah semua anaknya mendiri kan rumahtangga setelah kematian isteri...

..kali ini aku nak bercerita pasal mak milah..janda hilang suami ketika masih bangat kasihnya..mulutnya tak lepas bercerita tentang x suaminya..kerusi kegemarannya..kuihnya..pandangannya dan macam macam lagi.. tak aku sangka..dalam sungguh kasih mak milah dengan suaminya.. aku tak perlu bercerita tentang kawan ku kali ini aku ingin sangat berkongsi cerita hati seorang isteri di tinggalkan suami kerana aku juga bakal melaluinya..

..lagu sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit di mainkan di tv...mak milah mengesat matanya..berair matanya..tak dapat dia melarikan muka bila aku memandangnya...katanya..rindu..kadang kadang teringat katanya...

..masa memasak bersama sama pagi kedua aku bermalam di sana...dia berdoa katanya..supaya tuhan menutup rezeki jodoh darinya..tak mau lagi dia meletakkan hati lelaki lain di dalam hatinya kerana yang ada ini pun masih sangat dekat dalam hidupnya...takut takut dia tak dapat taat dengan perasaan..

..ketika aku membawa pulang mee hon sup..tergenang lagi matanya...katanya lagi..ini makanan kegemaran suaminya..suka sangat dia makan mee hon sup masakan dia..

..3 hari aku di sana..tak lekang cerita tentang suaminya...begitu lah seorang isteri...

..aku berfikir dalam dalam bila berkesempatan..apakah..begitu perangai aku kelak..kuat kah aku hadapi ..bila satu satu kekuatan kita di ambil pergi..satu satu teman siang malam hilang dari pandangan..tempat bermanja tempat bergurau juga bercekau tiada lagi di depan mata...

....gerun aku memikirkannya...ku jengok suami ku tergolek di atas katil sedang membaca..mungkin dia tak perasaan..tiba tiba aku rasa kasih aku sebesar gunung hantu (gunung ini ada di pahang) bertapak di hati aku malam ini...

3 jam perjalanan dari Hulu Langat ke Jalan Tun Razak

...menunggu bukanlah perbuatan yang aku alu alukan di dalam kehidupan aku tetapi kali ini kerana aku terpaksa..aku di pujuk dan harus menunjuk arah kepada orang yang aku sayangi maka aku korbankan masa yang amat ku hargai dengan menemaninya menaiki bas yang jarang sekali aku lakukan semenjak kebelakangan ini....aku terlalu teruja dengan LRT atau Putra..kerana train ini tepat waktu dan bergerak dengan lancar tanpa gangguan lalu lintas atau lampu isyarat...

...bayangkan aku perlu menukar kepada 3 buah bas untuk tiba ke destinasi yang selalu aku singgah dengan menaiki motor yang mengambil masa kurang dari 20 minit dan tak pernah lebih dari setengah jam selalunya aku sudah pun terconggok di tempat aman ini..menikmati sarapan pagi sebelum memulakan kajian atau kertas kerja aku..tepat waktu jam 10.00 aku sudah duduk di meja inspirasi aku selama 7 jam setiap sabtu...

.... namun kerana aku terpaksa menunjuk arah...aku terpaksa korbankan 3 jam 15 minit...dengan ikuti pula keadaan yang menjengkelkan kerana aku terpaksa pula berpeluh peluh kerana memanjat jejantas di sebabkan kereta yang lalu lalang sama saja pecutannya di trek lumba...

..siapa hendak aku salahkan dalam pembuangan masa ini. adakah pergerakan bas yang terlalu lambat di .jalan yang terlalu banyak kereta..atau sistem bas tercanggih era desawarsa ini.. setiap bas memerlukan lebih kurang 1 jam..tunggu dan jalan..(dari hulu langat ke perpustakan negara sahaja).. rasa aku untuk ke San Francisco mungkin lebih mudah...

..sudah lah aku tiba lambat ...dan jam sudah pun menunjukkan pukul 12.00..bayangkan aku keluar rumah dari 8.30 pagi..aku lansungkan makan tengahari aku dahulu sebab perut aku sudah terlalu pedih dan berpuluh kali aku sendawa rasa masam..(acid)...

..di tambah lagi..meja inspirasi aku sudah pun di duduki orang..di tambah lagi.."power point" sudah habis di guna orang...aku makin berpeluh kerana tak pernah lagi aku menghadapi masalah sebegini...aku pula perlu dan wajib menghantar kertas tugasan pada hari ini juga...

entah lah ...apa dugaan aku hari ini..namun tepat pukul 5.00 petang aku menghantar tugasan aku dengan 10 rujukan..aku puas namun...

...ye...aku bengkek...

..What should I call her..

..she is my old friend..(sahabat lama)..we met in 1985..my first real job ...caused this firm cut my pay for epf..yes..i hate that.. she guided me..in and out until one day i helped her with the new computer..

..she is a chinese girl..2 years older than me..i was in teen those days...yes.. those days..

...today she called me for lunch..we did communicated here and there...once a year or maybe more but never than a dozen times..

..when i further my studies for my diploma..she joined me in the same college...

..when i got married..she showed up with a hugh present..

..when i gave birth..she was there too..

..when i went for excursion to lumut, kota bharu, johor bahru..she tagged along..

..we are not closed ...we understand each other..we do not have the eletrifying things that a best friend normally has..but we are communicating..

one thing that we are similiar of..is that..she has a sister..so do I, her sister got married earlier..so do I..her sister get a divorced..so did my sister..her sister is definitely prettier than her..so do I..her sister is our center topic..so do I..we love hate our sister..

and that was the common things that we normally talked or bad mouthed... anything to satisfy our day..we will laugh until both of our eyes watered..but..both of us love our sister like nobody business...(try to speak about our sister infront of us..you ask for it men)..you will be clambered with shooting torpedo..

yes today, we exchanged stories again..her sister is fighting with breast cancer...and my sister just had her third marriage last december...and both of us laughed like we are drunk...because we have not stop talking about our sister...our life must be soo boring...that was what caused the tear in our eyes...

she is jobless now, after two years working in Dubai as an administrator.."contract abis lah..I pun pekerja contract"....and again we laughed...

before we parted..I gave her a big huged..she claimed..hey..that was what I learned in Dubai and has been accustomed to it...we hugged again..

and ...what should i call her...?