Adab & Adat

Hari ini ...menemani Abang Ipar dan Kakar Ipar (Bang Teh dan Kak Teh untuk meminang anak lelakinya di Wangsa Maju. (Angah = Mohd Yazid)

..keluarga ku berkumpul di rumah Mak Sedara sebelah ayah suami ku (Mak Cik) di Taman Kosas, berkumpul 5 keluarga di sana, keluarga abang ipar ku lima beranak, Keluarga Mak cik, keluarga Mak Teh, Keluarga Pak Lang, (semua sebelah ayah suami ku). Keluarga Bang Teh, Keluarga Adik suami ku (Alang), Keluarga (Kak Ngah) kakak suamiku.

...keseronokan hati ku..adalah keramahan Mak Sedara suami ku...Mak Cik dan Mak Teh yang melayan kami bagai anak anak mereka...tak menang tangan menyua lauk dan kuih..tak berhenti henti Pak Cik kedapur ketengah kedepan melihat kami adik beradik makan ...seronoknya..terasa kalau ada mak mertua pun bertambah tambah meriah lah suasana..

Semuanya..mesra bersopan dengan adab pekerti termahal di dunia..

Selepas solat zohor kami masuk kedalam kereta masing masing..tak di sangka..aku di serahkan dengan tepak sirih..kepala sebarang majlis..

sesampai kami di kawasan perumahan bakal tunang anak buah kami..kami di sambut dengan mesra beberapa wanita dan lelaki mengajak kami naik ke atas...(tingkat 5)

..aku yang termuda ..melangkah hadapan sekali..aku membaluti suasana dengan Bismillah dan memohon kepada Allah semua perkara akan berlaku dengan aman dan sentosa. Sesampainya di muka pintu..aku yang mula melangkah kedalam kerana tepak sirih pembuka kata ada pada ku..
setelah semua barang di letak di tengah rumah...tuan rumah, mungkin pak sedara kepada bakal tunang anak kami membuka mulut..

..di mulakan dengan doa dengan suara yang lembut tapi jelas ..dan tenang...pertukaran soalan dan perundingan di mulakan dengan beliau dan Pak Lang kami..sungguh beradap dan bersopan..terasa seronok menjadi melayu..sebelum di sudahi perbincangan kami..di pesan pesan kan kepada keluarga kami tentang batas dan syarak kedua bakal pengantin ini..alhamdulillah..suasana yang panas menjadi sejuk dengan gurau senda yang bersendi adab dan bahasa yang indah ..lagi teratur.

Melayu masih belum hilang di dunia..

..Holiday...

..it looks like I need to start to focus on the books.....(there are plenty)..

..the loneliness is coming too strong to my head..and the focus is blurry..

..and the books are piling, since yesterday i had managed again to borrow another 3 books from KL Library..

..my eyes keep staring at the books, touching and reading the cover and back is not helping me much on on reading the books..the feel is not there ....(mood has not settled in ..yet)

..my rooms unarranged except the books and the stationery..what a promised..i lead the 6 weeks semester break with none whatsoever that i have in mind before the break..

..this feeling that is coming too strong became worst with all the melancholic song from..matt monroe and cher..

..at this moment..nobody can help me except me..

...it is not the holiday mood..but ...the uncertainty that is happening in my life..

...the question that should not even cross mind is conquering my life...now

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? ...the question ?

throwing you life into uncertainty ?

wasting your time ..endlessly?

..that stupid question is playing in my mind like these song that potrudes and humming in my brain..

"YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE HIRED" with your Bachelor that became a widow..so why waste time..

time is wasted not only yours..your family, your friends and you are not getting younger either..

YOU ARE TOO SELFISH TO ADMIT..

..i have a heart to heart talk lask week with my boss and best person (since cant call her friend)..

she claims..

"last week..our client that is 53 years old has been promoted to CEO".so she said shut up and go on with your studies...

how i wish all her words can flushed away my doubt and uncertainties

and that is why i have this feeling..the loneliness..no one can give advise .

..my intention of getting this degree is slowly blurring my vision..

..yes..i will speak to terry...(my ym friend that is elder than me and yes..she is in the schooling mode too)...

oh please god..help me...give me your light..give me reason to see...

...waktu senggang....

...duduk di depan komputer riba dan mengetuk ngetuk jari kepada pepatah perkataan menjadikan satu ayat yang membawa pengertian ...dan juga sebuah penceritaan..

..namun hati dah pun jauh terbuai buai dek perasaan..melayan perasaan dengan di iringi suara Saloma, Bintang Malam..menambah kerinduan yang tidak pasti

Hopes

I have a daughter of 17 years old (going to be next year...). She is going to sit for her SPM an exam is too important to life especially the next step that all citizen in Malaysia need to do. After two incidents of my other two kids (Aida and Asyraff), she is shouldering a big task for me. She is the only kid that I can forsee that will thrive in the academic that is suppose to be better. Maybe the best from the rest.

To all mothers especially (all daughters of theirs will be the beauty of the time) she is in the most beautiful era now, young and curvacios. I only wish she realised that, how I have high hopes on her. To me, let me withheld this hope to myself. It is not fair if she should be responsible of my challenges.

For all that I know, she is a good girl, obedient, truthful and sincere. At this current time, that's all I am asking.

I know, most mother will be very anxious in what is the next step they will be taking. I am not going to be weary, but will guide her, in any advice she wish to discuss.

I have been discussing about sex before marriage (right to holding hand is no no to me). Having boyfriends is no no but until futher discussed.

Coloring hair is a no no but she has done that twice, after her father heart to heart talk, now she understands the reason, not to hold her interest but religion forbids it.

But she understands that the most important things are not to lie to me her mother ever or forever or do not cross her mind or ever enter her mind...

She understands that I can tolerates a lot of wrong doings but not - lying. Period.

Sweetheart (Continue)

She was transferred to the Paeds ward in the morning, she is better now, claimed the doctors, but I am not even leaving her even during prayer, I do my 5 times solah next to her, it was afternoon around 5.00, I am starting to do my Asar prayer, the evening solah, I saw one of her eyes started to blink profusely, saliva is sipping through her lips, then it became worst, half of her body started to shake, I called the nurses, they came, the gave her an injection, she is having fits, same like epilepsy, the fits did not stop, it continues, then they call the doctors, the doctors is trying very hard too, they started to poke her, with the needle trying to give her the injections to stop the fits, it did not work, i was screaming inside because there are pocking her one after another injections, it looks they have been pocking her around 20 times, she continue having her fits...and then...I hate this and still remember (they ask me to get out from her cubicle) after around half an hour, they did not managed to stop the fits, the doctor approach me and ask my permission to make a hole in her head to force the medicine to stop the fits. What can I do, but to agree.

They took her into the emergency room at the ward, and around 8.00 pm they came out and informed me two news..not great but better. They did not make a hole in her head, they managed to force the medicine in the vein or artery (not sure what) at her thigh. The medicine worked and the fits stops, but the other news is worst, she is tranferred back to ICU.

She stays there around a week or more, who is counting but there was not much hope, I will not get the same normal baby.

When she was transferred again to the paediatrics, i counted the injections scars, it is about 100 injections. Poor baby, luckily she has lost her consiousness and did not feel the pain.

She has turn to a baby, her feeding has gone to an infant intake. From 8 ounce back to 2 once, she is not crawling but lie on her back like a 2 day baby. The doctor tried to make me understand but I do not want to give up. "They claim she is turning to be a baby, maybe worst, she might lost her hearing, eyesight and worst of all she will be a "special baby".

After she was discharged from the hospital, we have a lot of followups.., scanning the brain again and again, hearing and eyesight problem.

She was 24 months and she is still crawling, I can see to that. She is slow, (very) but she is improving. Her food intake was still at baby intake.

Talking about speech, sorry, she did not say things that we will understand. Except for my mother, she understand plenty.

At last afer 26 months, she started to walk, one step at a time, and every time she will just fall flat on her face. Once when she was scanned, I was took into a consultation room, thinking that I had banged her head. I had to explained that she was attacked by meningitis and that explained all the water around her brain or skull, not sure what.

When she was 5, I sent her to preschool, explaining to the teacher of the class that she cannot speak that can be understand. I hope she will learn one of two words, but not much hope.

When she was 7, again I had to explained to the teacher of the class that not to leave any verbal message because she will not know what to say to me at home. There are few occasions that my husband send her to the school with no one around. The school closed that day.

But now, she is nine, she has been speaking fluently, she understand plenty, she is still learning to read, but she is very good in memorizing (I call it cheating because she always do that to escape my tutor on the reading or counting).

She had only one bad ear (not so good in hearing). She has been participating in games in school. This year she managed to pass 4 subjects. That is, a big achievements for me.

Every sentence she managed to read without memorising, is an achievements, every piece of drawing is an achievements, every message that was passed to me is an achievements, every fights she wins from her sister and brother is an achievement.

Most of my neighbor loves her for her innocent smile and greeting. She is no special kids. She is my sweetheart.